ummm NO!!!!
can we say “this is my body and i will NOT have another one” ?
can we say “this is my SANITY and for the sake of keeping it LEAVE ME ALONE”?
grrr
no one but Jesus and my mother really understand the perils that I have had to endure since becoming pregnant with my first and hopefully only child. i love my son, i do, but having another one that could be the same or worse ??? i only have a 33% chance of getting any better as far as neediness. he is a high needs child. when i told my mother that it only gets worse with time, she really didn’t understand what that meant…at the time neither did i. i did my research. i did all the studying i could do in order to be ready for this child. still there are obstacles that you will never be ready for no matter how much you read about them: colic. thank God that’s over. but he’s still a screaming, clingy, needy child. people would say it’s because of breastfeeding, but that is NOT the case. it would have been WORSE if i didn’t breastfeed because he would still need to be all over me all the time. i can’t imagine having another child as needy or worse than him. i seriously would consider taking residency in anchora or next to the church… no one really gets how much of myself i have to give. and no one gets that every conventional or “time tested remedy” is not gonna work with him. he’s not like the normal textbook child. he’s so much smarter, so much friendlier, so much more wonderful and yet so much more needy and clingy and wanting. he doesn’t lack affection. he still sleeps in my bed!!!! i have not made any real effort to detach him from me because he is not ready and i don’t want an emotionally scarred child who ends up in therapy or like the menendez bros.
then there’s all the stuff i cant get done in a day because i have to be ready to pick him up at all times. i have to be in his line of site and close to him or he freaks out. if i try to run to the bathroom without him he bangs on the door and screams. i don’t know what to do with him most times. we don’t always sleep great and i’m the only one that really deals with that on a regular basis. he expects me to be there for everything no matter what it is. some say it’s because i wouldn’t let other people take care of him when he was really young. DUH why would i? he’s my child my responsibility and i have to ensure his health and well-being and if i find that other people don’t do the same well then tuff noogies! and i find that he is healthier and happier than children who’s mothers didn’t do the same as i have done for my child.
on top of that, i honestly barely have enough patience and energy to deal with the one child i have let alone ever trying to have another one. people keep wishing kids on my and i keep rebuking it and praying it away. every time i even think of a child i pray that i suddenly become infertile. i get panicky inside and want to cry every time i think of going through what i have been or worse… and i’m only talking emotionally i haven’t even begun to talk about physically… and i don’t think i will because it will scare u all and probably end up being too much info anyway so i digress.
thanx for listening to me gripe about babies and stuff. i love you guys!!!