Bucket O' Bulletz

my grandmother has been in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks i think and she still has massive kidney failure, major pain, and an infection in her foot that wont respond to antibiotics.
my father went into the same hospital the night of christmas with a seizure to find out that he has a cancerous lesion on his brain that needs steroids, chemo, and radiation… all this after he has only just recovered from the last cancer.
im about to have a nervous breakdown.
that is all.

hey all and MERRY EVERYTHING!!! here’s the 411 on the sitch….but keep it on the DL… **grin**
exhibit A:
house isnt closing till end of january now. have to get 4 freeances…i dont have to pay for them so i dont care LOl. just as long as we close. talked to the broker and she said that it would be wise to continue with our patience in this matter cuz there is nothing else on the market even close to comparable in size and price.
exhibit B:
went to see my dad the first 2 times he played at the toadfish…totally awesome times. this passed friday me and my 2 sisters went *and middle sis’s bf*. we had a blast! learned a lot about my baby sis and how much she has changed over the last few years. i didnt realize how much i missed in her life. she is totally different now. anyway my dad will probably be playing at stockton soon. he is really getting into his groove now. he even has been booked for new year’s eve at the toadfish and attendance is res only at 75$ a pop!!! go head daddy!!!
exhibit C:
got almost all our presents for Christmas, bought more presents
for more ppl this year and ended up spending HALF as much as we did last year. that’s God.
exhibit D:
got my hubby’s company Christmas party on Monday where they will *finally* get a bonus!!! thank God. i plan to wear a tasteful and slightly shapely long black dress with flowers and i have to buy pumps cuz *surprise* i dont own any now. ive been a bum for too long.
exhibit E:
my Christmas program went great today. we had a 5 song sing along and i did 2 songs, then my pastor did a song and a series of his poems, then two of our friends did a song each. other pastor read 4 poems that were great. he preached and that was that. so awesome. the spirit was so sweet there today. God is so great. my next program is dec 31st…my full concert with every song i ever wrote on the guitar. truly cool. praying i will be ready.
exhibit F:
we are going to be in Newark for Christmas night and at my moms for the morning and afternoon will be at our friend’s house. would rather just stay down here, but all hubbys fam is going to newark.
exhibit G:
keep us all in prayer. there are a lot of weird things going on in the Spirit.
again MERRY EVERYTHING!!!!!!

11:50 PM – th beat goes on
Current mood: busy
i did 4 loads of laundry and put most of it away. hooray for me
my son doesnt like to go to sleep, but once he’s there he doesnt want to get up…who does that remind me of?….*cough*me*cough*. so anyway now i have to fight with him to stay still long enough to even try to go to sleep. sux 4 me.
put up more on my website about my fam and me. the new page is Willie’s Learning i think.
need to practice my guitar. my mini concert is one week away and my full concert is 2 weeks away. have to get on it.
got nearly 20 ppl on my blog group and 4 ppl on my other group.
i love God! keep praying we can close on the house thursday… ttfn!

4:22 PM – im the worst mother ever!
Current mood: out of control
i really shouldnt have had a baby. i suk like what! my son is testing every nerve i have in my body! he has decided not to listen or care to remember the simple rules i have set up. like: dont touch electrical wires and dont climb over the bed and play with the buttons on dadd’ys xbox and dvd player… blatantly continuing to disobey. timeout and smacking dont work, so im resorting to “the look”. that doesnt work either. i give up! i should have just prayed that God wouldnt curse a child with a mother like me. i should have never prayed to get pregnant. now im praying that i never get pregnant again. i cant take it. i should be int he nut house already. trying to be a mom and a christian mom at that, takes so much patience. i dont have it! i love my son to pieces, but why does it only take him about 10 minutes to get my whole day screwed up? why does he have the power to make me inconceivably distraught? argh!!!!
God please…im doing the best i can here. i know that it is your will that i teach my son your ways. i know that it is your will that i keep him so i can lead by example. how am i to do that when my example is so flawed?

this is the day i dont feel like doing anything. i have been so lazy the last 2 days!! i think its the rain. maybe its the depression again…. maybe it’s both. whatever it is it is.
filling out application for my son to be recognized as a lenni lenape. will probably give him his NDN name when he turns 3, after we have taken him to at least one powwow. next one is in june 2005. cant wait. like my new symbol? stands for the Unami of the Lenape of the Renape/Powhatan/Rancocas/Delaware NDNs hahaha!!! my new favorite lenape word: TAKTANI
talked to my buddy scott and he said he may come to my mini concert and my real concert… totally awesome. i cant get the car enough to see my friend anymore. feels like im losing her but im not.
all my son wants to do is watch blues clues videos all day long. getting a bit annoying, but whatever makes him happy i guess.
been practicing my guitar and am getting better at the songs i wrote and the songs i have just learned. i will definitely be ready for the 19th and the 31st.
was supposed to go pick up some videos on friday, but friday just happened to be today and i just happened to think today was thursday so there you go. sorry !
new house closing date: the 16th… i wont believe it until they call me and tell me so!!!
im bout to put up 2 pics of me…

from
no closing on the house … i could use some unsavory words but i shall refrain. survey isnt done and broker’s hubby has been in and out of hospital of late. pray for them.
t day was great. spent time with my friend gina and her fam and then to my mom’s and my fam. hubby spent time with his fam. all was well in fam land.
im in some kind of mood right now. dont care to elaborate. hope to be in the ville tomorrow night and perhaps all weekend.

BRENNA DO YOU WORK SATURDAY? SURPRISE BDAY PARTY FOR GINA AT 3.

anywhooo, watching my fave christmas movie: the santa claus part one.
i have so much to say and i cant remember a word of it! LOL
check out my space here … all brenna’s fault.
i have been learning my native language from the internet for the past 2 weeks i guess. lenape isnt dead!!! A website about us I really want to get my son involved in his heritage on both sides, ykwim? he is also
taino and they have a website and local location. it’s exciting.
i need a new icon…this one depresses me now.
looking into unschooling for my son. he is rather intelligent and i want to nurture that, not kill it.
doing a mini concert for christmas at my church, mostly sing a long, the sunday before. probably doing a new year’s concert feat. me (not that i want to) at my church. pastor asked me to. believe me, i dont really think im ready to be featured with my guitar and me … alone….for 6 songs.
i guess that’s all for now. love ya’ll bunches.