Bucket O' Bulletz

may i borrow it for a while?

Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
…
I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
…
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Scars Papa Roach
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor?
Couldn’t take this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do? (do, do)
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come break me down
Break me down
Break me down
What if I wanted to break?
The Kill 30 seconds to Mars

SNAKE: TRANSMUTATION
PAST: You have for some time been shedding ones skin or removing the masks, to reveal a deeper, better you. Do you feel maybe a load as been taken off of your shoulders? Or somehow you’ve survived a snake bite? If you feared the change, there had to be some discomfort. You should be seeing that your experiences have given you hard earned wisdom and a deeper connection to the Great Spirit.
PRESENT: Your initiation into the Spirit of the Snake may bring some discomfort. You have outgrown the old you, and any holding on to the past will only create further discomfort. The situation at hand may feel like shedding ones skin,and therefore experiencing life, death and rebirth. There may be more then one snake bite to endure. You are now more able and capable of expressing your creativity. Your ambition, intellect and sexual energy are in high gear for you are being asked to transmute an idea, action or soul desire so your integration may be achieved. This is a major change in life and of consciousness.
FUTURE: Situations that you are presently experiencing or creating,
will lead you to a major change in consciousness. You have asked for this, and even wanted it, although you probably didn’t consciously know the impact it would have upon you. You will be asked to let go of something that no longer serves you or your purpose. There will probably be some discomfort as you change, but you will be certain that the changes made will be for the better. Accept and embrace the power this brings, for in end you will feel closer to the wholeness of Spirit.

SWASTIKA Before it was evil, it was good, and it is the oldest cross/symbol/emblem in the world. The image can be found throughout Native history. The postcard shown above states: “May the four winds from the four corners of the heavens upon you gently blow.” It is also not exactly the same symbol that Hitler and his Nazi Party used. Upon closer inspection, the true symbol is actually a reverse of the counterclockwise Nazi version. Sadly, what was a beautiful symbol that represented peace and the natural order of things (sun, winds, four directions) has been perverted for all time by one evil individual and a terrible time in human history.
quoted from : Shannon Thunderbird’s site
I have been transported time and again to a place of peace and harmony. A time when all was good in the world and in my life. It is within the dark circle that illuminated the front yard of my grandmother’s house. This is where my spirit first began to meditate. I could sit there in that circle and feel the four winds care
ssing me, whispering new wisdom to me. Now I find myself at that place again. Four winds whisper your words into my spiritual ears. Teach me the wisdom of my ancestors and speak to my heart the secrets you would have me to know.

Happy birthday grandmother. Today would have been your 74th birthday. I prayed you stay here long enough to see me get straight, get married, and have a child that you could meet. You did all those things and only then did I allow you to leave. I know that I was selfish for praying you stay longer, you suffered so much while you were here. God granted me an extra few months with you and I am grateful for those months. I didn’t get to see you as much as I would have liked while you were in the care of others, but I still had all those years of memories to cherish as I do now. You were the first to teach me about truth. You were the first to show me about our heritage and spiritual oneness with God. You were the first to teach me the great mysteries of nature and God’s handiwork in me. You prayed me through and I thank you.
See you when I get there…



Favorite songs:
Just Can’t Give Up Now by Mary Mary
Blessed Assurance
Favorite saying:
“This, too, shall pass.”
Favorite Color:
Green
Favorite Grandchild:
Me *of course!*
Favorite memories:
* Your green *super* Nova
* Going to the hardware store for penny candy
* How you would sneak me an allowance
* Your comfy house and bed
* Waking up to find you with a cup of coffee and your bible or search word puzzles while you were sitting in your favorite chair by your favorite window watching nature exist.
* How much you loved your cats and would be so sad if one got hurt or died
* Watching you walk your property while praying and singing praises to God
* Holding hands with me on the top bunk and you on the bottom when you would come to visit us at t
he house…till we fell asleep.
* Your famous fruit cocktail at Thanksgiving
* Living with you in your house nearly every summer and enjoying your company.

I’m further, further from myself
When I’m next to you
When I run to you
Further from myself Pillar
The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord
My spirit calls for you
(You know sometimes deep inside)
I feel like this
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
The way I feel 12 Stones

I’m so happy ’cause today
I’ve found my friends …
They’re in my head
I’m so ugly, but that’s okay, ’cause so are you …
We’ve broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care …
And I’m not scared
Light my candles in a daze …
‘Cause I’ve found God
Lithium Nirvana
Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, are you trying to be mean?
If you live with apes man, it’s hard to be clean
The worms will live in every host
It’s hard to pick which one they eat most
The horrible people, the horrible people
It’s as anatomic as the size of your steeple
Capitalism has made it this way,
Old-fashioned fascism will take it away
The Beautiful People Marilyn Manson

In with the early dawn
Moving right along
I couldn’t buy an eye full of sleep
And in the aching night
Under satellite
I was not recieved
built with the stolen parts
A telephone in my heart
Someone get me a priest
To put my mind to bed
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
In the afterbirth
On the quiet earth
Let this things remind you
You thought you made a man
You better think again
Before my row defies you
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me a life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
And in your waiting hands
I will land
And roll out of my skin
And in your final hours I will stand
Ready to begin
Ready to begin
Ready to beg
in
Ready to begin
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Nail in my hand
For my creator
You gave me life now
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live
Show me how to live

“Show Me How To Live” By Audioslave