Dang I hate that I am so sporadic. I HATE IT. I mean, I make schedules, general plans, to-do lists, and even join FLYLady. I pray. I try REALLY hard. I just want to be consistent for longer than a few months. Sporadic consistency sucks more than constant inconsistency. I have told myself to be consistent even when my feelings aren’t into it. Then something will happen, either unexpected guests/trips/issues or my knees freak out on me… or whatever. Then I have to fight back to what I was doing, but it never gets quite there. I am so sick of my own unpredictabilty. The answer is usually some sort of dampering drug that will make me a zombie-like creature who does all things as if under a heavy fog. I can’t have that.

So what am I supposed to do? I am trying to “beat my body into submission” *like that guy in the Bible did*, but it’s not easy. I am rebelling against myself every moment!