I cherish those memories. I know why I can’t shake my summertime depression. The memories haunt me like the smell from the flowers as I walk away. Many things in spring and summer bring me back to her house. I used to spend my summers with her and most of spring. I miss the smell of cat food on the porch, the sound of the owls whooting through the forest at night, the joy of sitting amongst the trees and breathing in nature. I miss the sound of her wind chimes…I can hear them faintly tinkling on the breeze every time I walk outside.

Well…that’s where my honeysuckle dreams come to life. I am glad to have the memories, but sad I can’t make more.

I will be keeping my eye on the daily specials and reduced price bin sections of that site. Their wigs are made with real human hair and surpassing quality. You can tell by the way the hair lays in the wigs that are shown. In the customer pictures you can hardly tell where the weaves and wigs begin and the person’s hair ends. It’s neat that you can get a professional look for less than it would cost in the salon. You can do it yourself, which saves time and money. I am impressed. It would be worth the investment to get a good quality wig like theirs.

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Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I know about my sister:

• She is a fighter. She never gives up without a fight.
• Her goal in life is to succeed at all costs. That’s a survivor’s mentality.
• She is finishing up her Associates with plans already in the works for her Bachelors.
• She only drinks clear sodas if any soda at all.
• She saw me have a nervous breakdown and still wasn’t scared of me.
• When she was 2 she tried to strangle me to death with a telephone cord.
• The more she drives, the better she gets, and the better I feel about it HAHA.
• I have never really heard her yell. She can get pretty loud, though.
• She is the most fun person to scare. I made it my hobby when we were growing up.
• She loves to chow down on some good home cooking.
• She is great with small children. They take to her like a duck to water.
• Once upon a time she didn’t like my husband…but now she does.
• She was once a great track star.
• She is still a fantabulous singer. We used to sing together all the time.
• She will always be 6 years old and in need of protection in my mind…

Here’s to you little sis *clink* CHEERS. Don’t get too tipsy tonight. See you Saturday

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I just got home today from my mother’s house. I partied for two days in a row with my sister. Last night I went to my friend’s home for the first time since he died. It was weird for me to be sitting next to his baby brother and not him. I didn’t know what to think. I kept not mentioning his name…until his big brother arrived. Then we talked about the old days. How much I miss my friend is beyond belief. I have had too many pass in their early years. Maybe knowing me shortens their lives….

I went to Applebees with my sisters and my mother the night before last. I had the best mudslide ever. I also had a great fettucini alfredo. The next night my little sis and I picked up C from a party and went to his house to chill on the porch. That porch…that house…so many memories. I am not at liberty to say what happened to S…only that he is gone and was one of the most golden, genuine people to ever walk this earth. His brother J and I talked about his life. He was such a great guy. I drank too much last night. It was too much to bear sober.

You all know that I used to be an alcoholic, and I have found a pattern that is trying to form again. I used to not have any alcohol in my house. I know how it began. A little here, a little there, then you can’t get through the day without just a little taste…then it’s over. When I say over, I mean over like there is no more alcohol left because you drank it all. I am watching myself. I don’t need to go through that again.

I am so tired. I didn’t sleep well the whole time I was gone.

At least my husby and I are getting along and everything is well with us. The baby came back today, too. He was at his grandfather’s house for 2 days. My nephew’s birthday is tomorrow. He will be 4. We decided that Pollyana is busted for that side of the family and we are not going to do it again next year. We would have scrapped it this year, but my sis in law already bought the present for her Pollyana. I have to make a list of things that I want and then send it to my mother in law who has us for Pollyana. I know we aren’t supposed to know who has us, but this time it was just too easy to tell.

My beautiful son is in my arms. I fear mortality sometimes. I have decided to let nature do what it will to me, because we are just dust in the wind. The baby situation is settled. God’s will and not mine. I give up the fight for control. I have been bargaining and begging God for too long and I’m tired. God never harms us when we are trying to do His will. I just have to accept it and move on.

An a capella song dedicated to my grandmother.